What should you do when you fail??

Reinvent.

I just came across a blog that struck a chord in me. For most of my life I have had a constant need for change. And of course this need has interfered with my abilitiy to maintain steady jobs, as well as interest in projects and people.

I lived for years wondering what was wrong with me and why I couldn’t be like everyone else. I was even medicated for it, which caused a myriad of other problems.

I was incredibly smart, talented, and could do virtually everything anyone ever showed me. I could solve complex problems with ease, and won numerous awards in school, although I rarely went and dropped out several times.

It was really frustrating because I wanted to do everything and I wanted to do it all NOW. I used to get so jealous of people who knew what they wanted to do and could stay with one thing. I recognized that I was ADHD many years ago, but other than labelling myself, I didn’t look into it much further.

Being older and wiser now, I’ve discovered some things that have made a world of difference in my life and in the lives of those around me. I want to share these things with you:

1. Life is far more enjoyable when you accept yourself as who you are and stop living to ‘fit in’ or meet the needs/wishes of other people.

2. I can finish things (and now do, even with distractions); AND it is also okay to give up or let go of things, projects, or people who are not serving your best interests (Always be kind, honest, sincere, and NEVER burn bridges)

3. Many projects will still be there later incase they reinterest me at another time.

4. There are jobs that are perfect for people with my skills/traits Like Project Management or Running a Business, etc.

5. ADHD is a gift. So is autism. So are many other ‘disorders’ that are sometimes negatively viewed. The trick is learning how to use these gifts and having supportive people around.

I got a book that’s call ADHD friendly ways to Organize Your Life, and since then (although I never finished it; which is okay), I have been able to get many things done that I wouldn’t have before. I now totally accept that I get extremely easily distracted, and communicate my needs better than ever before.

I still have difficulty with routine tasks (like housework, making meals, and choosing outfits), but am comfortable enough to ask for assistance now when needed.

It’s funny. I didn’t intend this to be an ADHD blog, but oh well; I’ll go with it.
I was just chuckling to myself because, although it’s frustrating at times, it takes me hours to get myself and my children dressed, fed and ready for the day; but if you gave me a complex problem or stuck me in the middle of a crises, I’d be able to put together , a practical solution extremely quickly and communicate it to involved parties, even if it incorporated numerous resources, variables, and obstacles.

Things that would take many people days, I can do in minutes or hours; but seemingly simple tasks are tedious and difficult for me. It makes me wish I never had to get dressed, cook or clean and that I could spend all of my time solving problems and delegating tasks. Either way, it is what it is. And this article is supposed to be about what you should do when you fail.

So, since I’ve failed more times than most people I’ve ever met, I believe I’ve now become an expert on the topic. In a nutshell; accept the failure and make a choice. Either move on, put it on the back burner, or try again.

Make sure you communicate with others about your failure and how you intend to deal with it. As long as you accept what is, and make a conscious choice; you won’t feel bad about it and can move on easily. And since you’ve communicated it with others, you won’t carry around the feeling of being a failure ‘in other people’s eyes’. You’ve brought it to the open and they can’t say anything about it. In fact, even if they do, they most likely admire your courage and honesty.

The reality is: Everyone fails. It’s usually the people who don’t admit it that feel the most pain from it. So, accept what is, make a choice, and enjoy failing forward. : )

Princess PW

PS–I wrote about failing today because I failed in my ‘No spending money for a year game’, and in continually blogging for 365 consecutive days. I have continued my quest, but without wordpress alongside me. Talk soon. Take care!

Day 44~Undying Optimism

I found out today that my partner may be getting laid off from his job, due to the recent events in Japan affecting his work here.  That will mean that he will not be able to give me child support for an indefinite period of time.  That’s a big deal.  It’s a good thing I just moved into a big, expensive, fancy house.  :~l

I’m not one to sit around and wait for things to go wrong though.  I’ve created a game plan to be able to stay on top of the finances for the next few months, until the rental season gets better in this area.  Then I’ll relax a bit knowing that there is a surplus of people wanting into the area.  Right now, that isn’t the case.

To top things off, both of my tenants are moving out within the next few weeks.

On the bright side, at least I will be able to get in and paint their rooms.  lol  Yeah.  Today, I’m having a tougher time thinking of the bright side.  I’m a little nervous, although I still strongly believe that things will come together and I will come out on top.

Undying optimism.  Thank God I have that!

Actually, although I’m nervous, I’m kind of excited about the idea of my boyfriend being off for a few months.  My dream is for him to find work in this area so that he can live here with us.  He’s the father of my kids, and we all want him home.  I know we will have our struggles in the beginning as we figure everything out financially, but it’s a window of opportunity for us to be together working on this goal.  : )  Even if it’s hard, I’ll take it!

Day 40~I Almost Lied

I almost lied.  I very rarely do.  It’s difficult for me, and I have a very strong conscience.  I lost sleep over the idea of lying; even started feeling ill because of it.  And the funny thing is that I didn’t even lie, and am not going to.  How silly!

You may be wondering what kind of lie I’m talking about.  What would be so serious that I would lose sleep and even feel ill about it?  I’ll tell you.

I was going to fake sick.  I know.  People do that all the time.  But, not me.  Generally, I do my best to not over-commit myself to things and people.  Lately, I’ve been running myself ragged; and am so behind on my work that I didn’t think I could handle any more.  Today, I only have 2 children I’m supposed to watch, in addition to the large pilot project I’ve taken on for a local school board.

Everything is supposed to be ready for the schools, and it’s not.  I feel as though I don’t get more than a few minutes every day or two because of the demands of moving, children, household chores, my part time home daycare, and driving.  Today, I would have to borrow a car from someone to go across town to drop off and pick up the kids; at 3 different times of the day.  All in all, with all of the driving, borrowing, and returning; it would take me about 4 hours of traveling alone!

That’s 4 hours that I could spend getting work done that I REALLY NEED to get done.  So, my lie was going to be telling the parents that I was sick today so that I didn’t have to do any additional driving or borrow a car.  I couldn’t sleep because of the uncomfortable predicament I would be putting them in of finding someone else to watch their kids.  I don’t want them to panic.

In the meantime, I’m panicking.  So, I’m not going to lie.  I’m just going to tell them the truth (even about the part where I almost lied), and then see where things go.  I’m sure there’s a way to work everything out.  And I’ll be able to get some work done this morning.  So, that’s what I’m going to do now.  : )

Until next time,

Princess PW

Day 27~Trust: Things Will Work Out

The law of Attraction

Sometimes I get overwhelmed and overloaded.  Whenever I have too much on my plate, and my anxiety starts to kick in; I stop and remind myself of what I really want.  Even if it’s just for 30 seconds.  I ask myself, “Why am I doing this?  If what I am doing is a step toward my goals, I continue.  If it’s not, I find a way to either complete the duty or pass it off to someone who will competently do a good job instead.  Sometimes it takes me awhile to find a suitable replacement, but I always find one.  And the more I know about myself, and understand what makes me tick, the better I get at finding creative ways to fulfill my dreams.

Sometimes, many opportunities come at once.  And it’s tough to choose between them.  I base my decisions on the ‘big picture’.  Is it Love?  Is it Money?  Is it Family?  Is it Friends?  Health?  Fitness?  Creative Self-Expression?  What is it that I really want?  There’s always something required at any given time to complete or maintain ‘the big picture’.

The ‘big picture’ I have for my life is to have all of my finances taken care of; by means of passive income (monthly cash flow) from businesses and properties I own or invest in.  This is kind of funny because money isn’t a big motivator for me.  It’s the freedom from a job, the healthcare (and longer lifespan), and time with family that appeals to me.  But money is interrelated, so it is a big part of the picture.

Also in this picture, my family is very close.  In fact, my partner lives with us again and my kids have their dad around all of the time.  I work 30 hours a week (or less), instead of spending most of my waking hours working.

I spend a lot of time with my family and friends.  We travel, have people over a lot, and spend a lot of time and/or money volunteering and supporting non-profit organizations and charities.  We have a home and a cottage and we go camping, hiking and fishing a lot.  I have an entire room devoted to art.  And, I’ve learned to play lacrosse.  I’ve even joined a league!  My boyfriend and I play competitive tennis.  Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I own a few apartment buildings too.

You get the picture.  Now, most of these things haven’t happened yet.  I don’t own a single property.  I rent.  But, I am repairing my credit so I can own a house.  In the meantime, I’m enjoying many benefits of a homeowner, even though I’m renting.  I rent rooms for extra cash flow and still get to enjoy the tax advantages.  : )

Every decision is based on whether it will give me more time with my family or less time.  Better health or worse.  Better living conditions, or worse, etc.

Sometimes I have to be happy with less in the beginning to have more later.  As long as I don’t miss my kids too much, I will make the sacrifice.  But, spending time with my whole family is my top priority.  That’s why I always find ways to make money from home.  (Like the home daycare).

And, since my goals are quite lofty, I often find I want to do more than I physically can.  I take on opportunities that will provide the most benefits (if they are in line with my personal values and beliefs).  And sometimes I take on too much at once.

That’s when I tell myself that everything will work out the way I want.  And since I turn off the voice of negativity that is in the back of my thoughts, things usually do work out the way I want.

It’s learning to give up the little negative person inside and put forth blind faith; without a doubt in my mind, that has made all the difference.  And I think this is key to successfully using the law of attraction.

Have a Great Night.

Princess PW

Day 18~How to Get What You Want

How would your life change if it became easy to get what you want??  What would you have in your life that you don’t have now?  How would you feel?

I ask these questions because over the past few years, I’ve studied human interaction and behaviour; specifically, what makes one person more successful than another.  I’ve built up a few skills here and there, and through what I’ve learned, gained an entirely new perspective on success and achievement.

I found the answer to most people’s LASTING achievement to be a lot simpler than I ever thought possible.  I’ve discovered and firmly believe that everything is attainable through straight-forward, honest, and respectful communication.  I’ve been testing out some theories and found out some great techniques that work!  I’m here to share them with you!

Before I get into them, I want to mention that communication is a multi-directional system.  It is not just a one sided discussion.  It is being receptive to others desires, as well as sharing your own.  Listening and Talking, and most important is–hearing.  Below is a little video which outlines some common communication pitfalls.  It’s short and fun to watch.  =D

I saw this video and thought, “Wow!  Bang on, easy communication techniques everyone can learn!”  And, while watching it, I realized that I still have two bad communication habits.  One is that I fidget way too much, and the second is that it sometimes takes me too long to get to the point.

So my point today is to share how practicing the some simple communication techniques and negotiation skills, has helped me get the house of my dreams, under the terms that I want.

In addition to the communication tips in the video above, I highly recommend learning and practicing using open ended questions when communicating and negotiating.  The SIX questions to keep at the tip of your tongue are: Who?  What?  When?  Where?  Why?  and  How?  Here’s why:

By asking questions that give you more than just a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer, you’re more likely to understand what the other person is trying to convey; and you’re more likely to be heard when you speak.  When someone feels you’ve listened to them, they are more receptive to listening to you.  Give respectful listening; Get Respectfully Heard.  It’s a Win-Win!  =D

Try it.  Practice Lots.  It works.

If you have other communication ideas you’d like to share, please post them in the comment section below.  I appreciate your feedback.

Thanks!  : )  Enjoy Your Night!!

Princess PW

Day 17~Negotiating Works–Practice Makes Perfect

I’m a firm believer that every problem has at least one solution.  And that almost anything can be solved through communication.  So yesterday, when I was phoning to turn down the rental house offer; I laid out all of my concerns with the owner (my potential landlord).  We cleared up the concerns that I had and he was willing to work out a plan and move in date that worked for both of us.

I feel much more comfortable now about renting the house.  After weighing all options, I have decided to rent the house after all.  However, there are still one or two more things that I need to get in writing.  And I will.  It’s all part of the negotiations and protecting myself financially.  And let me tell you, being a good negotiator can come in handy!  Especially for getting the things you want in your life.

I’ve been practicing my negotiating skills for the past few years.  I started by reading sales books and trying the techniques.  For me, it’s always about creating a “Win-Win Situation”, where everyone involved benefits by the end result.

Here are just a few negotiating tips for anyone wanting to become a more powerful and confident negotiator:

1. Be respectful.  No matter who you’re talking to; everyone is different.  There are many types and styles of negotiation.  And people communicate differently.  What works with one person, may be unsuccessful with another.  Different cultures, sexes, and backgrounds lead to the many personality types.  So, regardless of who you’re talking to, ALWAYS be respectful.

2. Practice with others who have different perspectives, backgrounds, and personalities than you.  You’ll gain a lot of understanding about other people by learning about what they want and why they want it.

3. Use logic instead of emotion.  Often, emotions can be very powerful.  When negotiating, being emotional can often make you vulnerable to loss, or even worse, unopen to others ideas.  Also, you can usually win more flies with honey than by having to dominate the situation.

4. Remember what you want.  Stay focused.  This has always been the hardest part for me.  I write everything down because at times I am easily distracted.

5. Listen.  We are given two ears and one mouth for a reason.  If you maintain the rule to ‘Use them Proportionately’, you’ll be better able to hear what the other person wants and be creative enough to find a solution that also works for you.  If you listen to them, they will be more willing to listen to you.

Well, I’ve got more tips, but I’m about to have a party, so it’s time to get ready for company!!

Have a great night!!

Princess PW

Day 16~Hold On Tightly; Let Go Lightly

I first heard the expression, “Hold on tightly.  Let go lightly,” while listening to Jack Canfield’s success principles.  I had never thought of it before, but found it to be quite profound.  I adopted the phrase immediately.  It became one of my favourites.  As a project manager, change is easy for me.  Problem solving and finding alternate ways of doing things are also almost second nature.  But, in my personal life, I often held on tightly to things that weren’t doing me any good, and let go of some dreams and ideas that really had potential.

That’s why I found this philosophy of ‘Holding on Tightly and Letting go Lightly’, so valuable.  When I really understood it, I started to let go of things (ideas, beliefs, memories, habits, etc) that I didn’t need.  Things I had held onto for so long.  One by one, I’ve been able to pick and choose the things I want to keep in my life, and get rid of the ones I don’t.  I keep working toward my goals, and don’t give up.  But, I know now that it’s okay to let go of something I’ve held onto tightly, if it isn’t working for me.

For example, I used to have the idea that I would become an amazing network marketer.  I went to trainings; I did what I was coached to do; I enjoyed it quite a bit.  But, I wasn’t very good at it.  It cost a lot more money than I had at the time, and it took me away from my family for longer than I wanted.  All of the trainings were hours away and I had a young child at home.  The money it cost and the time it kept me away didn’t weigh well with my conscience.  I really wanted to be at home with my family, and I knew deep down that I could find a way to make money from home.  I wasn’t making enough money from the network marketing business to justify the actions I was taking.

Since I like to keep my word and stick to things, I kept plugging away with the network marketing business; making little bits of money here and there, but still not nearly enough to cover my expenses.  I was so concerned about what people would say to me if were to quit network marketing.  I wanted to prove to people that I could do it.

That was until I heard Jack Canfield’s Success Principles.

After that, I had to sit down and do some serious self-reflection.  I had to connect with my pre-mother self and rediscover my passions, values, and ambitions.  It took me longer than I’d like to admit to reestablish the vision I had for my life.  But when I did, it was easy for me to let go of the network marketing, and start working on something totally different; something that aligned with my passions.

And yes, I did take flack from people for it.  Quite a bit of criticism, in fact.  But, it was much easier than ever before for me to overcome because I was passionate about what I was doing.  It was in line with my values and beliefs.  With the network marketing, I had found that I was ‘barking up the wrong tree’.

Do I regret doing the network marketing??  Not at all.  I developed so many skills, met many wonderful people, and did a lot of personal development training.  Now, I am well equipped for many of the challenges that come up with people and business.

The whole point of me bringing up the “Hold on tightly; Let go lightly” Principle, is in regards to the house that I am interested in renting.  I went to see it yesterday and may end up renting it.  I wrote a proposal to the owner and stated my case.  I believe the only things that would prevent him from renting to me are my: credit rating, the fact that some of my income comes from renting to 2 students, and that I have moved a few times, although I’ve had the same landlords.  (They just offered me bigger and nicer houses as they became available.)  The house I’m in has pipes that freeze and doesn’t have a basement.  I don’t want to have to move again after this.  I just want to settle in and live there for years.

Despite these possible setbacks, I still believe I’m the most responsible and suitable tenant he will find.  I will live there long term and fix up the house.  The current tenants didn’t take good care of it, and it looks like a dump.  But, I see it’s potential and will help it get there.

I want to live in that house, in that neighbourhood, and so close to my family very much.  Some of my family members live only a few houses away.  I would LOVE to live there.  However, I may be overlooked and the house may be rented to someone else.  I’ve decided that although I’m very attached to the idea, I will move on easily and not be upset if I am not chosen to be for the tenancy.  That’s what I mean by ‘Hold on Tightly; Let go Lightly.”  There will be other opportunities.  : )

In the meantime, I’ll just keep plugging away at my goals, because I know that one day, I will be in the house that I want; in the neighbourhood I want; and with my family together.

Thanks for reading today’s post!  Until tomorrow, have a great day!!

Princess PW

PS–On a completely separate note, I finished painting the dining room chairs with my tenant, and they look GREAT!!  It looks like I got a while new dining room set, and all together, it cost less than $5!  I LOVE SAVING MONEY!!  😀

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