What should you do when you fail??


I just came across a blog that struck a chord in me. For most of my life I have had a constant need for change. And of course this need has interfered with my abilitiy to maintain steady jobs, as well as interest in projects and people.

I lived for years wondering what was wrong with me and why I couldn’t be like everyone else. I was even medicated for it, which caused a myriad of other problems.

I was incredibly smart, talented, and could do virtually everything anyone ever showed me. I could solve complex problems with ease, and won numerous awards in school, although I rarely went and dropped out several times.

It was really frustrating because I wanted to do everything and I wanted to do it all NOW. I used to get so jealous of people who knew what they wanted to do and could stay with one thing. I recognized that I was ADHD many years ago, but other than labelling myself, I didn’t look into it much further.

Being older and wiser now, I’ve discovered some things that have made a world of difference in my life and in the lives of those around me. I want to share these things with you:

1. Life is far more enjoyable when you accept yourself as who you are and stop living to ‘fit in’ or meet the needs/wishes of other people.

2. I can finish things (and now do, even with distractions); AND it is also okay to give up or let go of things, projects, or people who are not serving your best interests (Always be kind, honest, sincere, and NEVER burn bridges)

3. Many projects will still be there later incase they reinterest me at another time.

4. There are jobs that are perfect for people with my skills/traits Like Project Management or Running a Business, etc.

5. ADHD is a gift. So is autism. So are many other ‘disorders’ that are sometimes negatively viewed. The trick is learning how to use these gifts and having supportive people around.

I got a book that’s call ADHD friendly ways to Organize Your Life, and since then (although I never finished it; which is okay), I have been able to get many things done that I wouldn’t have before. I now totally accept that I get extremely easily distracted, and communicate my needs better than ever before.

I still have difficulty with routine tasks (like housework, making meals, and choosing outfits), but am comfortable enough to ask for assistance now when needed.

It’s funny. I didn’t intend this to be an ADHD blog, but oh well; I’ll go with it.
I was just chuckling to myself because, although it’s frustrating at times, it takes me hours to get myself and my children dressed, fed and ready for the day; but if you gave me a complex problem or stuck me in the middle of a crises, I’d be able to put together , a practical solution extremely quickly and communicate it to involved parties, even if it incorporated numerous resources, variables, and obstacles.

Things that would take many people days, I can do in minutes or hours; but seemingly simple tasks are tedious and difficult for me. It makes me wish I never had to get dressed, cook or clean and that I could spend all of my time solving problems and delegating tasks. Either way, it is what it is. And this article is supposed to be about what you should do when you fail.

So, since I’ve failed more times than most people I’ve ever met, I believe I’ve now become an expert on the topic. In a nutshell; accept the failure and make a choice. Either move on, put it on the back burner, or try again.

Make sure you communicate with others about your failure and how you intend to deal with it. As long as you accept what is, and make a conscious choice; you won’t feel bad about it and can move on easily. And since you’ve communicated it with others, you won’t carry around the feeling of being a failure ‘in other people’s eyes’. You’ve brought it to the open and they can’t say anything about it. In fact, even if they do, they most likely admire your courage and honesty.

The reality is: Everyone fails. It’s usually the people who don’t admit it that feel the most pain from it. So, accept what is, make a choice, and enjoy failing forward. : )

Princess PW

PS–I wrote about failing today because I failed in my ‘No spending money for a year game’, and in continually blogging for 365 consecutive days. I have continued my quest, but without wordpress alongside me. Talk soon. Take care!

Day 44~Undying Optimism

I found out today that my partner may be getting laid off from his job, due to the recent events in Japan affecting his work here.  That will mean that he will not be able to give me child support for an indefinite period of time.  That’s a big deal.  It’s a good thing I just moved into a big, expensive, fancy house.  :~l

I’m not one to sit around and wait for things to go wrong though.  I’ve created a game plan to be able to stay on top of the finances for the next few months, until the rental season gets better in this area.  Then I’ll relax a bit knowing that there is a surplus of people wanting into the area.  Right now, that isn’t the case.

To top things off, both of my tenants are moving out within the next few weeks.

On the bright side, at least I will be able to get in and paint their rooms.  lol  Yeah.  Today, I’m having a tougher time thinking of the bright side.  I’m a little nervous, although I still strongly believe that things will come together and I will come out on top.

Undying optimism.  Thank God I have that!

Actually, although I’m nervous, I’m kind of excited about the idea of my boyfriend being off for a few months.  My dream is for him to find work in this area so that he can live here with us.  He’s the father of my kids, and we all want him home.  I know we will have our struggles in the beginning as we figure everything out financially, but it’s a window of opportunity for us to be together working on this goal.  : )  Even if it’s hard, I’ll take it!

Day 42~Splurging is Sometimes Necessary

Staying within the guidelines of my “No Spending Money for a Year” Game Rules, I am only allowed to ‘spend’ money that I receive that is unexpected.  For example, I had a parent drop off an extra child last week, who I don’t usually babysit.

The money from this is unexpected.  It gets split up into 2 parts.  20% goes into my savings, and the rest is my ‘spending money’.  Since most of my income is not from ‘unexpected sources’, I rarely have any spending money.

So today before school, I took my daughter to McDonalds.  I wanted Tim Hortons; she wanted McDonalds.  But, since the trip out was more for her than for me, I let her decide.

We ordered 2 hot chocolates, and sipped them together while finishing her homework.  Today is her last day at her school before being transferred to a new one.  And I wanted to make it special.  It also had to fit into the cost restraints of my ‘No Spending Money for a Year’ Game.

All in all, it cost me less than $5.  My daughter and I had a wonderful experience.  I feel like I splurged.  It feels great!  The feeling of splurging is psychologically necessary at times.  Treating yourself and your family to things every so often is important.  It encourages a feeling of worth and abundance, instead of one of scarcity and jealousy.  And if you can do it without breaking the bank, you’re well ahead of the game!

So, go out and have a little treat!  Just don’t dip into your savings, or money that is needed for other things in order to do so.

Remember; a treat is something that you get or do infrequently.  If you get or do it regularly, it’s a habit; and is less likely to fulfill your psychological needs.

I’ve often say that ‘Money is a Mental Game’ and this is another example.  =D

Have a terrific day!!

Princess PW

Day 40~I Almost Lied

I almost lied.  I very rarely do.  It’s difficult for me, and I have a very strong conscience.  I lost sleep over the idea of lying; even started feeling ill because of it.  And the funny thing is that I didn’t even lie, and am not going to.  How silly!

You may be wondering what kind of lie I’m talking about.  What would be so serious that I would lose sleep and even feel ill about it?  I’ll tell you.

I was going to fake sick.  I know.  People do that all the time.  But, not me.  Generally, I do my best to not over-commit myself to things and people.  Lately, I’ve been running myself ragged; and am so behind on my work that I didn’t think I could handle any more.  Today, I only have 2 children I’m supposed to watch, in addition to the large pilot project I’ve taken on for a local school board.

Everything is supposed to be ready for the schools, and it’s not.  I feel as though I don’t get more than a few minutes every day or two because of the demands of moving, children, household chores, my part time home daycare, and driving.  Today, I would have to borrow a car from someone to go across town to drop off and pick up the kids; at 3 different times of the day.  All in all, with all of the driving, borrowing, and returning; it would take me about 4 hours of traveling alone!

That’s 4 hours that I could spend getting work done that I REALLY NEED to get done.  So, my lie was going to be telling the parents that I was sick today so that I didn’t have to do any additional driving or borrow a car.  I couldn’t sleep because of the uncomfortable predicament I would be putting them in of finding someone else to watch their kids.  I don’t want them to panic.

In the meantime, I’m panicking.  So, I’m not going to lie.  I’m just going to tell them the truth (even about the part where I almost lied), and then see where things go.  I’m sure there’s a way to work everything out.  And I’ll be able to get some work done this morning.  So, that’s what I’m going to do now.  : )

Until next time,

Princess PW

Day 39~Be Open to Suggestions: They May Be Right

As much as I hate to admit it, I make some stupid decisions sometimes.  Here’s my most recent:

I decided to keep my daughter in the same school, even though we moved out of the area.  This was based on 3 things.  One; I thought it may be hard for her to transition and that her schoolwork would suffer.  Two; Her best friend is in her class and she would miss him dearly.  And three; I babysit some other children from her school, so I didn’t want to back out of my commitment to the parents to babysit their kids.

I thought it would be easy to drop my daughter off at school and pick her up each day.  I’m driving my university students to school anyway.  I was wrong.  I’ve had to drive to her school 3 times on several days, which ends up taking up more than 3 hours of my time each day.  The third time is to pick up one of the other children I babysit.

When I factor in how much time and gas it’s costing me, it’s not worth it to babysit these kids.  I’m better off changing my daughter’s school and having her picked up from here.  She’ll meet new friends, and I’ll have more time to work, get the house together, rent rooms, and set up the home daycare properly.  I may even have time to do something I enjoy; since ‘me-time’ has almost become a foreign concept.

Getting back to my school decision:  I took my daughter and her best friend to see the local school today.  They both loved it.  The school was awesome.  The teachers were awesome.  And they were very well organized.  I promised the kids that even if she changes schools, I will make sure they continue to get together for play dates.  I think it will work out well.

Now I have to tell the parents of the children I babysit that I’ve decided to change my daughter’s school and will no longer be able to watch their kids; unless they can get them to me.  Who knows?  Maybe they’ll find a way to do that.

Changing schools was suggested by family and friends.  I wasn’t receptive to the idea at the time; but now, I’m glad they suggested it.  : )

Be open to suggestions.  They may end up working out better for you!

Princess PW

Day 33~Proaction Beats No Action

Today I sat down and did a quick mental checklist of all of the new expenses I have since moving to a house three times the size of the one I was in.  And for a second it scared me.  Especially since I checked my bank account and I’m used to seeing an extra digit that just wasn’t there today.

I know that I wouldn’t make a move like this based on emotion; and that I had to have logic and numbers to go along with it.  So, I sat down for a few minutes and reconnected with my original plan for this home.  Then I got to work.  There’s always work involved, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes.  And the experience becomes better and better.

I’m talking about finding and keeping good tenants.  I’m not even fully settled in yet.  There are boxes everywhere.  Yet, I’ve already started looking for a new tenant to fill one of the bedrooms in the house.  I find I have better success with replying to people looking for accommodations, than just posting an ad myself.

So today, I responded to about 6 or 7 ads and I already have 3 people lined up to view the room.  It’s way better to be proactive than reactive.  I mean if I were to wait until the end of the month when I REALLY need the tenant, I will have less chance of finding the ideal candidate and possibly may end up with someone who causes problems, or no one at all.

One thing that I find helps a lot when recruiting good tenants, is the fact that I have taken a professional writing course.  Being able to communicate with someone I’ve never met through email; get a sense of who they are; and put forth everything I expect, could be difficult.  But, I’ve learned ways to weed people out and make each person feel good about the communication; whether I accept them or not.

I’ve even had to evict people, which is never fun to do.  And when I have had to evict people, I’ve been able to communicate with them in a way that they are respected and realize it’s in both their best interests to leave and the landlord’s.  (This comes from my property management experience).

The way I see it, is if you want to have passive income each month, you’re going to have to choose an avenue and learn the ins and outs of it.  I chose real estate to start with.  And if I’m going to own properties and rent them out to other people, I’m going to have to learn how to manage properties and people.  And to understand people, you’ve got to connect with them; know where they’re coming from and where they want to be.

Actually, it’s funny.  One of the people I had to evict was a single mom with a few young kids.  That was difficult–at first.  I talked with her a bit and after I understood her situation, I was able to help her find additional income and then she found a great place to live with her kids.  She even used me as a reference.  And since she left on good terms, and took decent care of the house, I gave her a good reference.  I did explain to her new landlord that she had only been evicted due to a financial situation, which I knew was being taken care of and that I didn’t expect that to happen again.

It’s two years later.  She’s still living in the same place, and she’s very happy there.  Generally, what I’ve noticed in life is that when you expect good things from people, they show you good things.  When you expect bad things, that’s what you will get.

This is why I said that “Proactivity beats No Activity”.  When I expect that I will find decent tenants and keep them; I usually do.  It works for me.  Try it.  Let me know what you think.

Princess PW

PS–Yesterday I said that I would share how I paid for moving and pizza.  I traded babysitting services for pizza and the moving expenses will be covered by the new tenant.  I’ll let you know when I find ‘the one’.  =D

Day 27~Trust: Things Will Work Out

The law of Attraction

Sometimes I get overwhelmed and overloaded.  Whenever I have too much on my plate, and my anxiety starts to kick in; I stop and remind myself of what I really want.  Even if it’s just for 30 seconds.  I ask myself, “Why am I doing this?  If what I am doing is a step toward my goals, I continue.  If it’s not, I find a way to either complete the duty or pass it off to someone who will competently do a good job instead.  Sometimes it takes me awhile to find a suitable replacement, but I always find one.  And the more I know about myself, and understand what makes me tick, the better I get at finding creative ways to fulfill my dreams.

Sometimes, many opportunities come at once.  And it’s tough to choose between them.  I base my decisions on the ‘big picture’.  Is it Love?  Is it Money?  Is it Family?  Is it Friends?  Health?  Fitness?  Creative Self-Expression?  What is it that I really want?  There’s always something required at any given time to complete or maintain ‘the big picture’.

The ‘big picture’ I have for my life is to have all of my finances taken care of; by means of passive income (monthly cash flow) from businesses and properties I own or invest in.  This is kind of funny because money isn’t a big motivator for me.  It’s the freedom from a job, the healthcare (and longer lifespan), and time with family that appeals to me.  But money is interrelated, so it is a big part of the picture.

Also in this picture, my family is very close.  In fact, my partner lives with us again and my kids have their dad around all of the time.  I work 30 hours a week (or less), instead of spending most of my waking hours working.

I spend a lot of time with my family and friends.  We travel, have people over a lot, and spend a lot of time and/or money volunteering and supporting non-profit organizations and charities.  We have a home and a cottage and we go camping, hiking and fishing a lot.  I have an entire room devoted to art.  And, I’ve learned to play lacrosse.  I’ve even joined a league!  My boyfriend and I play competitive tennis.  Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I own a few apartment buildings too.

You get the picture.  Now, most of these things haven’t happened yet.  I don’t own a single property.  I rent.  But, I am repairing my credit so I can own a house.  In the meantime, I’m enjoying many benefits of a homeowner, even though I’m renting.  I rent rooms for extra cash flow and still get to enjoy the tax advantages.  : )

Every decision is based on whether it will give me more time with my family or less time.  Better health or worse.  Better living conditions, or worse, etc.

Sometimes I have to be happy with less in the beginning to have more later.  As long as I don’t miss my kids too much, I will make the sacrifice.  But, spending time with my whole family is my top priority.  That’s why I always find ways to make money from home.  (Like the home daycare).

And, since my goals are quite lofty, I often find I want to do more than I physically can.  I take on opportunities that will provide the most benefits (if they are in line with my personal values and beliefs).  And sometimes I take on too much at once.

That’s when I tell myself that everything will work out the way I want.  And since I turn off the voice of negativity that is in the back of my thoughts, things usually do work out the way I want.

It’s learning to give up the little negative person inside and put forth blind faith; without a doubt in my mind, that has made all the difference.  And I think this is key to successfully using the law of attraction.

Have a Great Night.

Princess PW

Previous Older Entries

%d bloggers like this: